Psychobabble

The other day my friend came over to my house and needed to vent. She spoke about how broken she was feeling. Her hurt was due to a bad breakup. She had taken steps to move on with her life after ending her relationship and her problem was not even with her ex-boyfriend. Her problem was that her three best friends had chosen to stay his friend and to let her go. I have never personally been in this situation and I do not know how heart sore I would be had it happened to me but it really made me think of how the female psyche works. How we are willing to drop a friend for any small fallout because they are just “too much drama.” This is a post about females, for females and aimed at females. I wonder if anyone could relate to what I am about to say. I wonder if it will just be seen as sexist psychobabble.

From personal experience when a man cheats on a woman, the “other” woman ends up being hated. The boyfriend is sometimes even forgiven and the incident is forgotten. The girl gets the brunt of the anger and frustration, labelled a “home-wrecker” or more colourful curse words. I started to think about this in a more general view. Why do girls fight with their female friends more than their male friends? Why do we choose to be so hard on the fairer sex when we are meant to all be sisters in arms? I think that is the reason why…we are meant to be sisters.

Men are conditioned to act a certain way and therefore we have a completely different set of ideals and expectations for men. Women are conditioned to be compassionate and caring, this means we expect more in the way of emotions from them. We expect more from our sisters. When they act in a way that is not compassionate and not caring, when they fling themselves around at every man they see and when they disrespect their own sisterhood, there will always be complete and utter disappointment because they are not following the rules that we are all conditioned to believe is the right set of rules. If my girl friend hurts my feelings, it becomes a harsher betrayal in my mind than if a stranger had done it. She should have known that it would hurt me, she should have looked into her heart and realised it would hurt me and she should have changed her actions. Are females not all born with the maternal instinct to care for and love their fellow human beings? I have always taken pride in my compassionate nature and how well I look after people when they are in need. I think that this is why I get so upset when my fellow humans do not treat me in the same way. I expect to get what I give and when I am not given the same treatment it is devastating to me. This is made worse when it is a friend you have grown up with because there has to be a reason you have never neglected each other before.

I guess the real question to ask is if we, as females, are irrational for thinking this way? Are we irrational for teaching our daughters and our granddaughters to love their fellows as we do? Are we doing right by the world when we condition the future generations to have the same ideals that we put upon ourselves? Should we really just treat both sexes as equals, and in this case, which way would we sway? Would we let women off more easy or would men be cast out for the same level of hurt that women are?

I feel like there is a reason why we are all so different, from our physical being to our emotional being, there will always be a difference. Why does it hurt more when a female wrongs you than a male? I do not know, I do not have a direct line into the female brain and even my own brain confuses me sometimes. What I do know is that anything you feel is down to what you want to feel. There is no tiny monster in your head feeding you these thoughts. If you want to forgive then you will forgive. If you want to hold a grudge then it will always stay with you, clinging to you like glue, and dragging you down. If you decide to follow tradition and have different standards for different sexes then there will be times that become confusing for you. If you choose to see all humans as the same and expect the to all treat you the same then there will be times filled with disappointment. If you choose to forgive, no matter what sex wrongs you, no matter how bad they wronged you, you will be a lot lighter and always looking forward. It is easy to forgive your enemies if you try a little bit harder, just do not forget what they did and take on the world with your eyes wide open.