I didn’t just break your heart, I broke mine too…

Most people have gone through a completely devastating break up at least once in their lives. Most people see the person doing the act as the devil, the person who broke their heart and the person who they will never trust. If we all take a minute to think about how we would feel if we had to break someone’s heart, would we not think it through? Would you not agonise over it and think about which way to do it would be best for everyone? If your answer to any of the previous questions are a big and resounding “YES!”, then what makes you think your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend didn’t think it through the same way?

I am not excusing the people who choose to end it over SMS or in a public space. I am not excusing those who end it because they are cheating on you. I am not excusing anyone who ever makes you feel worse about yourself. When they are dong it under normal circumstances, they may be breaking your heart, but they are probably breaking their heart too. Unless they never cared about you at all, the sight of you hurting will evoke sadness in their hearts.

Many people go through life with a one sided view of everything. We walk through our story with the mentality that is only our view and there is no other option. What were to happen if we looked at the other side of the card, we would see a person who we care about, breaking apart just as much as we are. We could think about how long they have been agonising over this, how long they have drawn out this already dead relationship, how much thought they put into the action of tearing both of your lives apart. How are we to know that they aren’t just as devastated by the loss of their love for you? Who are we to call them names when we could have easily been in their shoes at some point?

We excuse ourselves from so many horrible things that we do not excuse others. You must not smoke, it is a filthy habit but I smoke a 40 pack a day. You should really exercise if you want to live longer but I only walk up the stairs to my bed every night after work. You should really try to eat better but I am hiding the discarded takeaway packets in my trashcan. We all excuse ourselves from doing something that we are not proud of. Why can’t we take a look at the habits of others and see if we can excuse them for once?

Next time you are in the unfortunate situation of being dumped, do not act like a tyrant, do not think of them as pure evil and do not throw your toys out the cot. See them as the love you once knew, the love you never wanted to see hurt and the love who is as blue as you are at the death of your union. Maybe the tolerance of their feelings will help ease your own, knowing you are not alone always helps with sadness. Understand that you are not ever alone. There is always the other person who is just as broken as you are.