When did everyone decide that settling was better?

It is like in the past five years of my life, humans have decided that being comfortable is better than being happy. I know of people who stay in a relationship because they don’t want to know what life is like for people who are alone. I don’t get it. I would rather be alone, a little bit sad and knowing that my life was going to be better. I would rather feel sorry for myself for a little while than be miserable in a relationship that is not working.

I understand that it is tough. I understand that you feel like you are going to enter the big wide world and not know where you fit or who will ever love you again. I understand that it is scary as all hell facing the fact that if it all ends that you will be alone but the truth is that we are never alone. You have a family, you have friends, you sometimes have the voices in your head and you have a million other strangers to meet in your lifetime. The world is getting fuller every single day. My friend read a statistic out loud the other day that 80% of the world has already met the person that they are going to marry by the time they are 16 years old. Well if this may be a bunch of bull but if this is the case, then 80% of us have no cause to worry and the other 20% need to be patient, it cant be long now right?

If all of your friends have boyfriends and you are scared to be alone then I have an important announcement for you: Your friends do not care if you are single or not. They only care that you stick around and sometimes go on outings with them. No one is going to consider you a leper because you have lost your ball and chain. If you are happy then they should be happy for you too. It will be gross being surrounded by love while you are throwing your “pity me” parties but at the end of the day we don’t all get to go through the same stages of life together. When you eventually find the love of your life, they may be married and trying to rekindle that old flame, they may even be alone where you once were and need the loving support of their friend who went through the same thing.

If you are scared because of financial implications, this is not a tough one, start making arrangements! Start finding that cheaper condo, start taking the bus or the train to save on fuel; you can buy fewer shoes so that you can afford your own furniture. You always have a way out, even if that way out is a less glamorous out than the life you are used to, it is still a way out so seize it! Some people have parents who will bail them out, some people have siblings who will bail them out and some people even have friends who will bail them out. If you are not a completely despicable person, there will always be someone willing to help you. If you happen to be a completely despicable person and no one will help you, there is this beautiful thing that comes with being an adult, it is called responsibility. You are responsible for your own life and you can take control and bail yourself out.

If you are staying in a relationship because you think that your partner cannot live without you; that is just insulting. Let them be alone, they might just surprise you. I know how hard it is to accept that maybe they will move on without you but this is the nature of the world. It moves on. It keeps spinning. We don’t all drop dead when a relationship ends.

I am the expert when it comes to staying in a relationship long past its due date and I can tell you right now: it never ended with me on top of the world. I stayed and got cheated on. I stayed and got heartbroken; even though I was so relieved it was finally over. I stayed even though I knew it was done, and then I got blindsided by him not wanting to stay anymore. If there is even an inkling of a feeling that it is not working in your favour anymore, then get the hell out. The only good thing that ever comes from something getting worse first before it got better is probably alcohol, antibiotics and cheese. Nothing else, ever! One day you are going to look back on your five year long relationship and say to yourself, “At two years I already knew this was a waste of my time, so why did I waste even more of my life?” and then you know what will happen? Your proverbial inner being will hang its head in shame and move on. Just like it would have three years before it will move on.

Yes being rejected is sad. Knowing that you failed at something is shameful. Being the lonely one again is an awful thought. But be brave! The best thing about a breakup is that it does not kill you, it teaches you what you never want to experience again. It teaches you what you will never do to another human being again. It teaches you how to hang onto certain things and let the less important things go. You are holding onto a bar that is being pulled away from you, the eventuality is that you are going to lose your grip and go flying. Retain your dignity, plant your feet firmly on the ground and let go. Just let go.