I have always been the girl in the relationship. There was a brief period when I was 20 years old when I did not have a boyfriend. When I say brief I mean that it was brief in relation to the 3-year relationship I had just ended. When I was twenty years old I took a break from relationships by being single for an entire year before I decided I was ready to give it a go again. In this time I saw my best friends, I partied with my single friends and I went to civilised dinners with my partnered friends. It is important to note that when I was single my two best friends were in very committed relationships. This being the case the times that I did see them, we would always include the boyfriend in on our plans.
This gives you some background information into why I am about to gripe in this post. I cannot stand the fact that none of my friends feel comfortable enough to go out with couples when they are single. No one cares that you are single. No one cares that you are alone. Half of us are jealous that you are a free spirit and do not have to factor anyone into your plans. When I was single I never looked at my friends and thought, “ah I want to be you”. I was just concentrating on being me and more importantly I was figuring out who “me” was exactly. I knew that the only way I was going to figure that out was to see as many people and do as many things as possible. No one is going to throw you a pity party because you are single, you should be loving the life that you are given.
In the time that I was single I figured out exactly how I did not want to be in my next relationship and exactly why my previous relationship had failed. In this time I learnt that I liked drinking whiskey and that I rather enjoyed playing 30 seconds in a big group of people. In this time I lived, laughed and loved more people than I ever would have if I were holed up in an apartment with my boyfriend. I did not avoid the people who were happily coupled up, I did not feel awkward spending a night with just one couple. Yes I was a third wheel but man how I loved spending time with my friends and that was the only thing that mattered to me.
I don’t understand why there are sides. Singles vs. Those in a relationship. We are all humans, we all enjoy the same things, and just because that boy and girl kiss occasionally it shouldn’t change how you feel about them as people. If it is that easy for you to write someone off because they have a boyfriend and you don’t, then they were never your friends in the first place. If you feel so uncomfortable around couples that it drives you to avoid them, then you are uncomfortable with yourself and not with the couple. Stop blaming your circumstances on the people who surround you and start taking ownership for your own actions. Try having a game night with only couples; they are only humans at the end of the day. It is really not that scary stepping out of your comfort zone and no one is ever going to make you feel uncomfortable, if they do, then they are not your friends.
I don’t want to feel like I cannot see my friend at my house because she is afraid that my boyfriend and I will make out in front of her. I am not twelve, I do not need to kiss my boyfriend all of the time and I am sure I can wait until you are safely driving yourself home. I would hate to think that if the roles were reversed, everything you think I would do now, is maybe what you would do to me. It all boils down to how afraid you are of being alone. How comfortable are you in your own skin? If you love yourself, you won’t mind that other people are in love with each other in front of you. I am not saying that I am condoning public displays of affection but just hanging out with a couple will not give you cooties.
Please ladies, I am sure that boys do not have the same issues, and this is because they think logically and not emotionally. Lets all just focus on our own being and not on everybody else’s.
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